The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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