Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
