If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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