look no pants
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
