i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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