He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
