The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
