Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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