so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A+ Viking dick
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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