Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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