im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
