fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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