I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
