i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
