My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
