Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
