fuck your aforementioned shoe
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I see more hoeing in ur future
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