Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
