if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
