dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize