Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
