U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
