The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize