How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
