I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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