You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
