I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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