my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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