I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What drink are we having for lunch?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
