Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
