Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
