Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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