I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
