there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
