Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
