i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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