I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
