I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
