Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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