can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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