So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
