Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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