About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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