I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just threw up on my dentist
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
