Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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