He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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