I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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