Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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