I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
