If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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