You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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