I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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