You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
