I think I just saw someone hide a body.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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