So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
