I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
