When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are we still banned from the library?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
