Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
