i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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