note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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