tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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