I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
