I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
