i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
