Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
