if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
