You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pants are for mortals
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
