Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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