David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
