I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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