I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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