Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
