it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
