so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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