I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
