We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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