Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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