No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
