Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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