Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize