I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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