Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
