Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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