Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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