Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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