Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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