Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
