Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
