you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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