I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
