ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
