I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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