Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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