How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
