thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
