it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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