Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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