I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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