summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
