You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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